The Best of Everything Epilogue
by Aggie Escott
Summary: What happened after The Best Of Everything. Slashyfluffy - you know the drill! Please R&R thank you
1. Mending a Broken Man

The Best of Everything – Epilogue part 1

Mending a Broken Man

_**When pain and suffering end, so then ends life – author unknown**_

Spencer looked in on Aaron. He was still asleep, but he was shaking and whimpering in his sleep. Spencer slipped into the bed beside him. It had been three months now since the horrific case with the UnSub now dubbed 'The Collector'. Aaron was slowly recovering under Spencer's care, but he suffered from dreadful nightmares, and needed to have Spencer with him when he woke. Spencer curled around him, pressing himself against his lover. He felt Aaron tremble.

Spencer understood nightmares. He'd had his own terrifying dreams that ripped into his life. But it was new to Aaron. And the visions cut into his waking hours too.

Aaron clutched at Spencer's hands and pulled them against his chest. Spencer knew he was crying again, his body shaking. Spencer nuzzled his face into Aaron's neck, kissing him gently.

"It's ok, Babe. You're safe now. Wake up Babe..."

Aaron woke with a cry. Spencer hugged him tight as the shaking subsided.

"It's over, Babe. I'm here for you."

Aaron turned over to look at Spencer. His face was tear stained and pale. His dark eyes bright with tears.

The doctors all said he was suffering from PTSD. That awful case, coupled with Haley's trial seemed to have drained the life out of him.

Spencer took Aaron's face in his hands and kissed his trembling lips.

"You're safe. It's ok."

For a moment he looked deep into the clear pools of Spencer's eyes, wishing he could escape the anguish that hung around him like some awful creature, sucking all the good things out of his life.

His fear was now that he would lose Spencer too. He would not survive without him by his side.

Spencer was the only thing that gave him a connection with reality.

Aaron put his arms around Spencer and held him tight. "I don't know what I would do without you, Spence." He nuzzled into his auburn hair and breathed his scent. It made him think of summer days and happy times. He wasn't sure if they were real memories or just imaginings. All he knew was it had been a long time since he had felt like that.

"Spencer," Aaron said without moving away, "Can we go somewhere, just us two, where there are no people, where nothing can hurt us or separate us"

Spencer pulled back just enough so he could see Aaron's face. It wasn't the first time Aaron had said this.

"Babe, nothing will separate me from you. I will not move away from beside you. You are safe here; I promise I won't let anything hurt you."

Spencer could see tears once again well up in those lovely dark eyes. He felt a pang of deep distress and sadness as he remembered how the team used to rely on this man for his strength. Now he was enwrapped in the darkness of the terrible memory of what that man did to him, and how close he had come to a dreadful death. Each time he closed his eyes he relived it, when he slept, he dreamed it.

Spencer knew what that was like, but somehow, people had understood when it was him, and had allowed him healing time. With Aaron it was different. The team were finding it hard to come to terms with the knowledge that Aaron had been broken by this experience. A broken Aaron Hotchner wasn't in their range of understanding.

Not for the first time, Spencer wished he could find Gideon. He would understand. He would know what to do.

"Aaron, lay down for a little while. I'll go downstairs and get us a drink and your meds." Spencer watched as Aaron lay back on the pillows. He kissed him lightly, and brushed his fringe to one side. His hair was getting long, and Spencer loved to push his fingers through it. He smiled at his best friend in the world, and Aaron flickered a smile back, but it never reached his eyes.

Downstairs in the kitchen, Spencer switched on the espresso machine. While it made the coffee, Spencer called Garcia.

There wasn't any tension between them any more. They both had recovered from their short love affaire, and moved on. Spencer was relieved.

"Hey Sweet Cheeks! Lovely to hear that unique voice of yours again! How are my favourite pretty boys today?"

Spencer considered briefly how much he could tell Garcia. Out of the team members, she had the most understanding nature. But he didn't want to alter her perception of Aaron as the stoical strong team leader. Of course she knew he was ill, but he didn't see the need to say anything that could undermine him. It was going to be hard enough anyway.

"Garcia, I need you to something for us. But I need it to be between us, if possible. Obviously, if you are asked what you are doing, or if you are putting your job on the line, of if ques..."

"Baby Cakes, you're rambling!"

"Uh yes, sorry." Spencer pulled himself together. "Garcia, I need you to find Jason for me. Can you do that?"

"If he's on the planet, Pretty Boy, I will find him. Auf weidersein!" and she was gone.

Spencer hoped he was doing the right thing as he poured the coffee. He took a Harvest Bar form the cupboard for Aaron, and tipped out his medication onto his hand.

Two pills. Aaron hated having to take them. Spencer sighed.

_It's not forever, Babe, only until you are better._

But Aaron had no patience with himself. It was taking too long for him...

He thought he had been away from Aaron for long enough. He poured sugar into his coffee, stirred it so that there was a minimum of grit at the bottom, and took the cups upstairs.

Aaron was lying on his front, hugging the pillow. As Spencer got close, he saw that he was crying. Aaron hadn't seen Spencer come back in. He had become good at crying silently, Spencer had found him doing that a lot recently. He put the cups down and sat on the bed. He turned Aaron to face him, and Aaron threw his arms around Spencer and buried his face in Spencer's hair.

"I'm s-so s-so-ry Spence. I'm so s-sorry!" He sobbed and cried, his body shaking with grief. "I've le-t you d-down..."

Spencer held him close, feeling the dampness of his tears in his hair, and the desolate heaving sobs, wishing he could make the hurt go away. As the tears abated, and shaking became less, Spencer pulled away and brushed the tears from Aaron's face.

"Aaron, Babe, you have never ever let me down. You have nothing to be sorry for." He kissed Aaron's salty cheeks, and ran his fingers through his damp hair.

He hoped that Garcia would come through for him. He needed help.

Holding Aaron close to him, he could feel his heart beating as if it were his own.

"We will get through this, Babe. Together, we will get through this." And he rocked Aaron in his arms until he fell into an exhausted sleep.

_**Confucius said, "Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall."**_


	2. Apart

The Best of Everything – Epilogue part 2

Apart

It took Garcia a couple of hours, but during the middle of the morning, Spencer's mobile rang. He and Aaron were in the kitchen, chatting animatedly about what they were going to do that afternoon. It was a game they liked to play Aaron wanted to go somewhere outside with no other people, and Spencer suggested going to the forest where they had carved each other's names on a tree. But it wouldn't happen. Aaron hadn't left the house since he came back from hospital. His world was within the walls.

When the phone rang, Spencer went out of the room to answer it. He stood in the hall where Aaron could see him.

"I've found him, Sweetie. He's in New York. I've got an address, but no number."

"That's fine, Garcie. Did you manage to keep it a secret?" Spence asked quietly, as he wrote down the address. He didn't want Aaron to find out by overhearing half a conversation. He wanted to explain to him why he needed to do this.

"Sure thing, Babes. No one else knows."

"Thank you, Garcie. You're a star."

Spencer cut the connection and went back to Aaron. He sat next to him and gently put his hand on Aaron's face.

"Aaron, I've found someone that I think will be able to help you get better." He watched Aaron's eyes. He had said he didn't want anyone to see him like this. But Gideon was different. He wasn't in the BAU anymore. Spence hoped that Aaron would say yes.

"Who is it? Another doctor?"

"No, Babe. I've found Gideon. He's in New York" Aaron's eyes widened. Spencer embraced him. "But I need to go and get him. There's no cell number."

Spencer watched Aaron carefully. He saw tears start to collect in the corner of his eyes.

"Babe, you need him. He will know how to help you." Spence kissed away Aaron's tears. "Please let me go and get him. We can both go if you want to, or you can stay here. I'll be there and back in a day."

"W-when are you g-going, Spencey?" Aaron was starting to panic. "I c-can't go that f-far." His hands were shaking, and he held Spencer's hands tightly.

"Babe, don't be frightened, it will only be for a day. And I will have my cell on me." He pulled him close again. "I'll go tomorrow, first thing. I'll be back in the evening."

That night, Aaron held onto Spencer as if his life depended on it. Spencer had a frightening thought that maybe it did. Aaron shivered and trembled in Spencer's arms, as once again the nightmares took him to places he didn't want to go. It broke Spencer up to see this strong reliable man crying and whimpering in his sleep. It hurt him so much to see him like this. He desperately needed help, and Spencer was determined to find it for him. He longed to see Aaron well again.

Spencer really needed to sleep well that night with the journey ahead of him the next day. He hoped that he would be able to bring Gideon back with him the next day, but if he couldn't at least Gideon would be able to follow him back later. He held onto Aaron, and hardly slept at all.

As the sun came up the following day, Spencer slid out of bed from between Aaron's arms, and went downstairs to get coffee and Aaron's meds. The feelings running through him were like those he felt when he sent his Mum away. He didn't want Aaron to think he'd abandoned him.

He put the things on a tray and took them upstairs. He stood at the door and watched Aaron sleep for a few minutes. His dreams were over, but his face bore the marks of the tears he had shed during the night. His skin had lost its glow.

_Aaron, __love, I will do anything I can to make you well. I wish I didn't have to leave you, but it is to help you. Please understand..._

Spencer kissed Aaron good-bye at the front door. He felt a shiver pass through Aaron being so close to 'outside'. He saw fear in his eyes.

"My cell will be on all the time, Babe. Just call me whenever you want. I'll be back today, this evening." Spencer released Aaron from the embrace. "You will call if you need me, won't you?"

Aaron nodded, feeling inadequate and stupid.

_I am a grown man. I shouldn't be afraid of being left alone for one day..._

Spencer hugged him again briefly, and turned away. It was one of the hardest things he had ever done. As he drove away towards the airport, he had a sick feeling in the pit of his stomach. He hated to leave Aaron.

_I've got to find Gideon. Please let him be there..._

Aaron closed the door when Spencer was out of sight. He locked it and leaned on it. It was a relief to have the 'outside' shut outside. He slowly walked back to the kitchen and sat down where he and Spence had been earlier. Already he had a feeling of loss, but he tried to fight it. He looked at the cell phone on the table. He picked it up, opened a drawer and dropped the phone in. If he couldn't see it, maybe he wouldn't be tempted to use it.

_You've got to get over this, Hotchner. You have to try to stand alone again..._

"Who are you kidding!" he shouted at the walls. "You're finished! Pathetic; useless; a burden to Spencer. You are supposed to love him, look what you are doing to him! He's afraid to go out of your sight!"

He folded his arms on the table and rested his head down. He didn't try to cry quietly. He howled and screamed until he was cried out. His eyes sore and his face wet with tears of self loathing.

He said words that he had last heard being spoken by Tobias Henkel.

"This ends today!"

"I am going to free you, Spence."

He took a sheet of note paper from the kitchen drawer and began to write. When he had finished, and it didn't take long, he sealed it in an envelope and put it on the table. He had managed to avoid letting his tears fall on the letter, but as he wrote 'Spence' on the envelope, a single drop fell and smudged the writing.

He went upstairs with more determination than he had felt for a long time. Firstly he went to the bedroom. In the back of the wardrobe was his gun. He used to wear it strapped to his ankle but now he never left the house, there was no point.

He checked the bullets.

One

He only needed one.

He took it to the bathroom and stepped in the shower. He didn't want Spencer to have to clean his brains off the walls. This way, it would be clean. He turned the shower on full, and for a minute or two, he allowed the hot water to soak him. He sat in the shower tray and watched as the water stuck his pyjama bottoms to his skin. He noticed how thin he had become. Just another symptom of his distress.

He held the gun in his shaking hand for a while, making sure it was outside the spray of the shower. Just a small thing, with one little bullet.

He concentrated on controlling the shaking.

He cocked the gun, and held it against his head

"This is for you, Sweetheart. I love you."

He pressed the trigger.


	3. Jason

The Best of Everything – Epilogue part 3

Jason

Spencer found Jason's place easily, and he stood on the doorstep for a minute or two plucking up the courage to knock. He had no idea what the reception would be, or even if he would be willing or able to come with him. Spencer chewed on his bottom lip, and knocked the door.

When Jason opened the door, Spencer wasn't sure who looked the more surprised. Jason's eyes widened and he just stood there. Spencer tried not to react to Jason's hair style, but he didn't expect Jason to have grown it and to be sporting a pony tail.

"H-hello..." was all he could manage.

"Hello, Son."

Being Spencer, however hard he tried not to notice, he stared at him, and Jason laughed. When they had both recovered from the shock, Jason stepped back and gestured Spencer to come in. Nervously, Spencer entered Jason's little house.

"It's good to see you again, Reid." Briefly Jason hugged him. "I guess even I cannot hide from Garcia!"

"I needed to find you, Jason. I am sorry for just turning up like this, but Garcia couldn't find a number for you."

"I don't have a phone." Jason said. "I had enough of them in the BAU." He paused. Then, "Is everything ok? I'm guessing you haven't come all this way for a social visit."

"Jason, I badly need your help." Spencer said. "I haven't got much time. I have to get the plane back in..." he glanced at his watch. "...two hours."

"Sit down, son. I'll make coffee and you can tell me what's happened."

As soon as Jason heard what had happened to Aaron, he made some phone calls and freed himself up for the week. He threw a few things into a case, and followed Spencer out to his rental. Most of the journey was spent with Jason catching up on what had been happening in the BAU since he left, and some of the cases they'd worked on. But mostly Spencer talked about Aaron.

Spencer had to tell Jason about him and Aaron, but he wasn't quite sure how to. It wasn't until the short drive from the Ronald Reagan National Airport that he finally broached the subject.

"Jason, before we...erm...get home, I need to t-tell you something."

It wasn't as if Spencer was ashamed of his relationship with Aaron. After all, they didn't do anything other than hold each other and kiss, but he was worried about how Jason would react. He guessed it would be like telling your Dad.

Jason turned in his seat to face Spencer. "Yes?"

"Hotch...Aaron and I, we live together. We are ...erm...an item." Spencer kept his eyes straight ahead. He had no idea how Jason was taking the news.

After what seemed to be ages, he said, "I should imagine you needed each other to get through. I'm not really surprised."

Spencer smiled. "It started off as friendship, and kind of grew from there. We were on a really nasty case, and we grew close"

"The most stable basis for a relationship is friendship." said Jason. "I think it's great that he has opened up to you. He was always so straight laced. He needed to soften a bit, for his own protection."

"I hope you will be able to help him, Jason. I have never seen him so broken." Spencer frowned. "I am wondering why he didn't call me actually. He didn't really want to be on his own, and I said he should call me, but he hasn't called. I really expected him to. He's not been left on his own since he came out of hospital."

"Maybe he's better than you think, Son."

"Maybe." Said Spencer, not believing it for a minute.

Spencer pulled off the road up the drive to the Castle. Jason stared in amazement.

"It's beautiful, isn't it?" Said Spencer. "We almost had to get rid of it though."

He saw Jason's questioning look. "It's a long story. I'll tell you though before you go back."

Spencer stopped the car close to the front door. It was dark, and there were no lights on in the house.

"Something's not right, Jason." said Spencer, getting out of the car. He ran to the front door. "It's too dark."

Jason was right behind Spencer as he opened the door and switched on the light. He expected to see Aaron sitting in the dark, maybe fallen asleep. He was surprised when he wasn't there.

"Aaron! It's Spence!" he called. The house waited, dark and silent. Spencer felt a chill up his spine. "Aaron! Where are you?"

He went into the kitchen and saw the note on the table. He felt a knot of sickly fear twist in his stomach.

"Jason, he's left me a letter." Spencer thought back to the letter that Jason had left for him. He picked up Aaron's letter and tore it open with shaking hands.

"Oh my god!" Spencer stared at the words, willing them to read something different. Anything other than what he had just read. Jason stepped up behind him and took it out of his hand and read it.

_My Dear Sweet Spence.__ I am so very sorry I have put you through so much by my inability to get my act together. I can't carry on like this, relying on you for everything. I am supposed to be the strong __one, taking care of you. I have decided to take the coward__'__s way out, __and free you from this me__ss I have made. Good-bye, My Spence, and please forgive me__. I love you and always will. Aaron_

"He'll be in the house, Jason. He was afraid to go out." Spencer suddenly sprang into action. "I've got to find him!"

Spencer ran up the stairs, Jason just behind him. He checked the bedrooms, then Jason said, "I can hear water running!"

The bathroom! Spencer tried to open the door, but Aaron had locked it on the inside.

"Aaron! Aaron! Open the door! Please, Aaron. Let me in!" Spencer was hurting.

_Please, Darling, don't let me be too late!_

Jason gently moved Spencer out of the way, and gave the door a hefty kick. The door broke away from its hinges. Spencer pushed past Jason into the bathroom.

The shower was running cold.

Aaron was sitting slumped in the shower tray still wearing his pyjamas. His head forward onto his chest, the gun still in his hand. There was no blood. It had all been washed away. But the side of his head was open.

"Oh god! Aaron!" Spencer cried out, and knelt in the tray next to him. He pulled Aaron's cold pale body to him, and wrapped his arms around him. He rocked him. "Aaron! Oh no! I'm so sorry I left you!" Spencer was crying out in grief, sobbing uncontrollably. "Oh why did you do this? Oh Aaron, why?"

"Spencer." Jason was pulling at his arm. "Spencer, let me look at him."

Spencer allowed Jason to take Aaron's body from him, too weak and grief stricken to object. He watched as Jason carried him out into the hall and laid him on the floor.

Spencer crawled out after him and knelt by his head. He lifted Aaron's head onto his lap, running trembling fingers through his wet hair. He watched as his tears fell onto Aaron's white skin.

"Oh Aaron, Babe, why? Why?"

Spencer took Aaron's cold hands in his, and kissed his finger tips.

"Why?..."


	4. GSW

The Best of Everything – Epilogue part 4

GSW

"Spencer..." Jason tried to get his attention but he was too distressed to sense anything other than Aaron.

"Reid!" This time Jason shouted. Spencer looked up at Jason. "Spencer, he isn't dead. We need to dry him and warm him up. He's hypothermic."

"N-not d-dead?" Spencer was touching Aaron's cold blue lips, stroking him. "Not...?"

Jason picked Aaron up again. "Get some towels and blankets. Let's bring him back." Spencer ran to the cupboard and got an armful of towels. Jason carried Aaron to the bedroom and carefully laid him on the bed. Spencer took his wet pyjama bottoms off, and wrapped him in a blanket, rubbing his arms and legs, trying to put some warmth into his body. Jason felt for a pulse.

"He has a slow pulse, Spencer." He checked the wound in his head. "I don't know he managed to survive a GSW to the head though." Jason liked closely at the wound. "The angle is wrong. It looks as if the shot went upwards, and didn't break through the bone."

Spencer looked up from where he was caressing Aaron's face. "It can happen, I know. The bullet hits at an angle and bounces off. Is that what happened here, Jason?"

"All I can think is that a combination o him having a metal plate in his head, Hotch maybe shaking, and the recoil of the gun altered the path of the bullet so that it did the minimum damage."

"And the cold water would have slowed his metabolism down so he didn't bleed out."

Spencer stripped off his own wet clothes and put on sweat pants and top. He sat on the bed next to Aaron and wrapped his arms around him, and rocked him, whispering softly to him, as if Jason wasn't there. Jason turned and went back to the bathroom. Until Aaron woke up, there wasn't anything he could do. The GSW wasn't bleeding, but as he warmed up, it could start again. He searched through the cupboards to find some dressings, so he could cover the head wound. He took them back to the bedroom.

"Spencer, let me dress the wound."

Spencer once again released Aaron to Jason.

"The wound is clean, and although it looks bad, it isn't deep." said Jason. "I can dress it here. He won't need hospital. I can take care of him here."

He placed a non stick dressing against the wound, and wrapped a bandage around his head to hold it on.

"When he wakes up, he is going to need lots of reassurance, Spencer."

Spence nodded. "I won't move from his side." He pulled back the covers, and moved Aaron so that he could cover him over. Aaron moaned very softly. He was starting to awaken as his body warmed. Spencer curled himself round his lover. He looked up at Jason.

Jason smiled. "I think he'll be fine now, physically at least. Would you like coffee?

"That would be great, Jason. Thank you."

Jason sat in the kitchen waiting for the coffee machine to do its work. He was very worried. Although Reid had explained Hotch's condition to him, it was a horrible shock to see the strong dependable Agent in such a state. He was the last person he would imagine trying to kill himself. He just thanked his god that it hadn't worked. He picked up the letter again.

_... I can't carry on like this, relying on you for everything. I am supposed to be the strong one, taking care of you..._

"No-one said you needed to be the strong one, Hotch. You took that rōle on for yourself."

Jason thought back to the time Hotch had almost been garrotted in front of the team, refusing to allow anyone to take out the UnSub. His strength and self sacrificing attitude was epitomised in that few minutes. And yet he had allowed Jason's comforting arms to embrace him afterwards. He hoped he would be able to accept his help again.

AS he poured the coffee, he wondered, not for the first time, at Reid's strength. He had always known it was there, it just needed to be tapped. It seemed as if Hotch had managed to do that. Yes this surprising relationship was good for Reid.

He sugared Spencer's coffee and took the mugs upstairs to the bedroom.

Spencer was sitting in the bed, holding Hotch's head in his lap, one hand on his face, the other running fingers through his hair. Jason could see the fear in Reid's eyes. It was just starting to hit him, what had happened. He went and sat on the bed next to them. Reid gratefully took the coffee from Jason, and drank deeply.

"I almost lost him, Jason." Spencer said softly, not looking away from Aaron. "I don't know what I would have done if he had died. I thought he had for a moment." He looked up and sipped his coffee. "It felt as if my life had ended, Jason."

Jason reached out and put a hand on his arm. "I'll stay as long as you need me to, Reid. I promise."

Spence put down his mug. "Thank you."

He looked down at Aaron. His eyes were fluttering open, his head turning towards Spencer.

"Spence?..." Scarcely more than a whisper.

"Aaron!" Spencer touched Aaron's face and looked at him with wide tear filled eyes. "Oh Aaron, I thought I'd lost you!" He pulled Aaron close and held him.

Aaron pressed close to Spencer. "I'm so sorry. Spence, please, help me."

"Jason's here, he's come to help."

Jason reached out a hand to Aaron. Aaron took it. "I know what you are going through, Hotch. I understand. I will do my best to get you right again."

Aaron raised a hand and touched the dressing on the side of his head. "What happened? Why am I...?"

"You missed." Spencer said with a grin. "You failed your qualification! I think I'll find another coach!"

Aaron flickered a tiny smile, this time, it reached his eyes before it faded. Spencer wanted to whoop with joy at seeing those deep dark eyes shine again, however briefly, but instead he pressed his face into Aaron's hair, and kissed the top of his head. Aaron tilted his face towards Spencer, and their lips met in a soft gentle kiss.

Jason sat smiling. "I'll get you a coffee, Hotch. I'll put sugar in it, that will help you feel better."

After Jason left, Spencer cupped Aaron's face and looked into his eyes.

"Aaron, Babe, don't ever do that to me again! You have always been there for me, now let me do the same for you."

Aaron looked down unable to meet Spencer's eyes. "I'm sorry, Spencey. I am such a burden to you. I just wanted to free you."

"Aaron, I don't want to be freed from you. Being with you, supporting you, loving you, is what I want to do. Never even think of taking that away from me again." Tears were falling freely from Aaron's eyes. He pulled Spencer close and cried into his hair.

"I won't, Sp..ence. I'm s-sorry."

When Jason returned a few minutes later, they were clinging to each other, rocking gently, each considering what they had almost lost, both determined never to come that close again.


End file.
